the nice people at xlr8r asked me to do an old skool rave mix for their podcast series. so, as an unreformed raver, i said 'yes'

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http://www.usatoday.com/sports/boxing/2010-05-04-3449161098_x.htm

Hope Gumagay...

I may later edit this but I hope you find me. I am here with a Filipino Family and the Brinsko's wont talk to me. My mother in Prison we didnt get to talk that much just argue. My brother committed suicide. My Dad Died when I was was 16 and then there was inheritance. Dont laugh but I get auditory hallucinations about inheritance and It made me wonder. I am scared to talk to my aunts about inheritance because well they could lie and discourage the thought. I tried talking to my half sisters. It's inheritance when you are schizophrenic and I'm on Ssi so please Dont judge I know this is an delusion I am the quiet schizophrenic and I talk online. It's just that Do I have inheritance? My dad was like okay but then your mom was in Prison aNd Hope Gumagay befriended my inheritance and It's like did my dad leave a trust fund? Can you Still have a trust fund on Ssi? This is planning for a will and I'm schizophrenic and I'm investigating my father with no avail. I didnt think about inheritance I thought I would get it later in life I didnt think I am mentally disabled. Funny I didnt think about money and I'm being like that because this is a schizophrenic hallucination Fuuny. Delusion Of Grandeur. I need to confide to John of God. I know I might be an ex Omegan because I am being lazy and I really Miss Win Harper. JOhn of God I might be acting irrational. What do you do when you hear daddy came through? I know I have lots of hallucinations. This is planning your will this this schizophrenia mental illnesses this is little idiot calling. See that's me and it makes me cry because I am making out like I'm a nut a delusional nut and I pray for Paul Salopek to investigate because My dad is precious and I wasnt thinking. I am not smart. I am hoping someone out there will listen Moby? this is my schizophrenia Delusion Of grandeur and other things like yea other things So I need to chill Inez Montecillo knows the answer but I dont know. I am truly sorry Omega Institute I hope someone at least loved me I am afraid and I wish I found the strenght to overcome this. Because my brother commited suicide and my mom had many boyfriends. Money. My mom was 29 and my dad 67 filipino white. I'm a mastissa and I feel odd growing up. That's all and sometimes I have no faith. It's speak no evil . there's a tape over my lips.

I wait I stop I hear. You have inheritance and I'm afraid to ask because as of now I'm scared. I'm scared of confrontations. I am schizophrenic. I hear auditory hallucinations My dad My dad Paul Salopek is there he has to he's a reporter. I'm honestly scared like I'm in No it's everything I AM ruinining my life. You have inheritance I got that But it confuses me Inez Montecillo Mom Okay I'm scared. I am not... I lost my sense the voices cloud today yesterday. Delusion of Grandeur But you have an actual dad and I'm afraid to ask my mom or my relatives like Dmitri commited suicide and I know I from good employment but I'm screds because I'm passive and It's like your a writer for National geographic and It's family related like oh you have a mental illness I fear you and I am mastissa and I am like okay maybe It like I'm confused and the point is is that I hallucinate and the medicine doesnt work and I'm on Moby thank you so much and that I think It's 2012 and that No It's John of God I should of said Deepak Chopra but it's John of God I happened after John of God and I sabatoge reporters becuase I dont plan and I'm honest like I'm scared of vocal confrontation and My brother committed suicide and I'm on Moby and Inheritance what I am on SSI. I'm telling you that my mom is in prison and I'm afraid to cry in front of my relatives and hug them. I am afraid of interacting sometimes I am in this yea the voices made me do it. I am sabatoging this Ann Curry I know what you are thinking oh yea This is my life on schizophrenia and I'm in love with Julia Butterfly Hill and that's it it's Mental Health and I hear I'm ...yea the voices made me do it sometimes ... I hope you understand. Sometimes I think about the afterlife sometimes I think about food I'm not the same any more I have delusions. I have Delusions. I dont like it... when you hear voices and have delusions yea it's mental health I'm sorry I'm scared to hug and hold my relatives. It's a family thing I know Steve Lopez Cares because he's Robert Downing Jr. I take it that everybody cares. If I really do have inheritance I need help from a miracle man. It's hard to tell your family that you love them and It's difficult. It's a family thing.

I am on Moby trying to sell my heart and it is difficult. I was once a master. I was once. I go around like Paul Salopek is not a Pulitzer Prize winning Journalist and that I cling on to Steve Lopez for comfort. I forget that Paul Salopek is National Geographic and in all honesty... I have an injury. I miss old friends. I was once... I was once... I was once...
I go to Steve Lopez telling him to find you and the point is... well if you had a dad like mine. If you saw John of God like I, if you developed Schizophrenia like I wouldnt you go to a journalist... Never mind I feel as if I'm a fool because I miss my dad because. I thought for once I had inheritance. I actually thought I had inheritance and Paul Salopek I am constantly seeking your attention like am I worth it? I fell in love with you like you're prince charming and I don't have the looks and my dad may be an idiot. I am an Omegan Institute Schizophrenic yes and It is foolish because I always ask your name like it's puppy love and It's foolish because you are a pulitzer Prize winning journalist and I'm on Moby telling you, you really broke my heart there pal. Sorry for asking about my dad.

I'm the quiet kind of schizophrenia
shy to the bone
I dress to protect myself from sexual intercourse
I pray all day
sleep all night
I don't want to get into fights
I hear voices I get confused
I peek out the window inside my room
I try not to speak
I can not tolerate this heat
My family aside
Not knowing when I will die
I hide from them
afraid to seek
comfort in strangers
I call WIn Harper
Omega No More
I am no longer employed
Slow at the beat
I dont always brush my teeth.
I am the quiet schizophrenic
but I cry when I hear
I enter another world
my career disappeared
I can not function right
my brain can not fight
I say free speech
Julia Butterfly Hill in reach
That's all I say
Paul Salopek hey
you did not say hello to me
Mental Illness is
a sigh I'm about to cry
without a plan
I'm on MOBY
can you understand?

I'm thinking about gay rights and mental disabilities. That's all.

I'd edit.

I wish I could hang out with Alex Grey, Go to a Moby Concert, Live in NYC OR East Coast have a huge music collection and good family. I loved my dad so much. I dont know if My dad was smart enough to well... If you investigate you would see why I said RIch Dad Poor Dad. Mental Illnesses...
I've been thinking about my father so much as I grew up with art and he died when I was 16 but I told him I wanted to be a famous artist and that I wanted that... I am in a huge road block right now with creating. But My father died of Cncer and I wrote this about him...

COLON
Pale freckled man
skin covered bone
too tight to breath
that man was old
dry swollen foot
brittle nails
rotten tooth
look into his eyes
they're as blank as could be
brown depthless pupils
what does he see
An old man wetting a bed
too weak to move
gets confused by the medications he consumes
my father died of cancer
and I am alone

by:
Natasha Brinsko

I am thinking about my father a lot and I can be prey. I have limited dreams or maybe a miracle man says awe Natasha Brinsko.

This time it's about my father and I love him so.

I listened to it.

I wish my father came through...

So many great tunes and the mix is pretty slick too - surely not live on decks/cdjs? If you're free on August 7th I know a little wedding that would have a complete fit if you could play at it.

-rave mix and I did my kick boxing workout to it last night and tonight I'm going to do my jazzercise workout to it. I didn't see this journal here on Moby.com yesterday. I don't check on here all the time, as your admins haven't been sending notifications when *you* post new items over here, but the paragraphs above in this journal say more than what I read on Twitter about this podcast and my question for *you* is in regards to your saying in 1991 there was 'vicks covered raver's'....Hmmmmmm why vicks? Is it because it gets soooo hot in the tent that you can't breath? Wow, I would have never have thought of vick's, but that makes total sense. Giggles, and I thought people hated when I wear vicks during times when I have the flu and sinus infections, but an entire audience of dancing, screaming raver's all together vicksed, WOWER's, that must be powerefully strong scented, giggles....

I miss *you* and love *you* ever more,

Your Eternal Love Truly, Madly, Deeply,

Rachelle
xxxx
oooo
@>-->--

this is a mad mix i love rave

Aaah yes..

I recall attending Space Madness in Knoxville, TN at the Electric Ballroom back in '92 or '93. One of my friends, Chip B, opened for you at that rave. I also remember attending one of your raves in Atlanta that was at an old grocery warehouse. Fun times indeed...keep the love!

Zero-G

hello moby i love dance music in 90's et c'est comme ça que je t'ai connu. i like dream frequency et your old dance music (everything is wrong, next is the e, move, go, unloved symphony, besame... and last night!)

manu from paris